What happens if no one needs you?
I looked down at the gorgeous, sparkling pool from my hotel here in Portugal, then back at the clock.
Seven hours until I needed to head to the airport.
If you caught the end of my post last week, you know I accidentally booked my return flight from Faro a day later than I planned. The trip was over, childcare was covered through yesterday, and I was left with a day I hadn’t accounted for.
I messaged my people, the women in the Mastermind going on the trip with me, the details of my flight to confirm with embarrassment. Did I really mess it up?
Yes. Yes I did.
One of the women in the group who knows. how. to. travel. graciously invited me to tag along at the most incredible hotel I’ve ever seen & enjoy her late check out perk as she flew out early that morning.
And suddenly I was alone, surround by absolute beauty with the question in front of me:
What do I want to do with this extra gift of time?
As a mom, that question is almost laughable.
I rarely ask it.
I’m tuned in to what my kids need, how to help them stay regulated, how to create a childhood full of laughter & ease & thoughtfulness. And I love that part of my life, truly. But that often means I don’t pause to ask what I need—or even notice when I’m missing.
So when I had a whole day to myself, I froze.
I told my friend I’d go for a swim. I even put it on my checklist for the day, lol.
But when it came time to actually walk down to the pool, I got in my head.
Shouldn’t I use this time productively for work?
Shouldn’t I somehow find a magical way to make this incredible gift count times a thousand because WHO KNOWS when/if I’ll have a moment to myself again?
But I did the next thing.
I put on my swim suit.
Then I walked down stairs to a lounge chair. A waiter asked if I wanted cold or room temperature water, and I genuinely couldn’t answer. “Whatever’s easiest,” I replied.
It’s hard for me to take up space.
It’s hard for me to know what I want.
Maybe you can relate?
But here’s what I’m learning:
Space reveals things.
Not just the noise in our heads—but the deeper questions beneath. And if we’re willing to sit with them, to not fill every quiet moment with podcasts or music or planning like I find myself wanting to do, they can guide us back to ourselves.
In a small act of joy, I packed a kids’ plastic camera in my carry-on that prints little black & white photos
It felt playful & creative - and not once did I care if someone thought it was silly.
Giving people a tiny print of themselves brought me (and them!) happiness I didn’t expect.
It was a little bit of me checking in on what I wanted for this trip & just going for it. A small step, but a step.
…
Eventually, I did make it to the pool. Swam some laps. Sat in the sun. Typed this note on my phone while squinting to see the screen.
Being alone brought up more noise in my head than I wanted, but I stayed with it. Because part of this work is not just showing up for others, but showing up for ourselves.
As Mother's Day approaches, I hope you get a moment, however small, to ask what you want.
And I hope you can find a little space to sit long enough with the silence to hear the answer.
You are not invisible.
You are allowed to take up space.
You matter.
—
xoxo,
Jen Lewis, Founder & CEO of Purse & Clutch
…and then I put on new Tina Fey show on Netflix, with my headphones, of course, so as not to accidentally disturb anyone in adjacent hotel rooms before I started cramming everything into my carry on to go sit at the literal back of the airplane with a connecting flight that has an 8 hour lay over because I always buy the absolutely least expensive flights possible… ; ) A.k.a. back to reality!